Faculty In-Fighting at its Finest
While sorting through some old papers, I came across a page I had clipped out from the letters section of the student paper at my alma mater.
To appreciate the fantasticness of the below, you need to know two bits of background information:
1) Professor X, the most conservative professor at the institution, had recently written a letter to the paper implying that a student who had taken a liberal position in an editorial was simply aping the opinions of his professors and essentially acting as their lapdog.
2) A group of liberal professors had recently sent a letter announcing their intentions to protest an upcoming speech by a prominent conservative judge by boycotting the event. This led to much controversy about whether encouraging students to boycott opposing views was an appropriate exercise of free speech.
And now, the piece de resistance:
PROFESSOR X ATTACKS STUDENT SUBTLY
We have always understood that attacks by members of the faculty against other members of the faculty are not appropriately carried out in the pages of this venerable paper. So we would not dream of attacking Professor X’s recent letter in which he suggests that, while a particular student is a careless and perhaps even dishonest reasoner, he (Professor X) would not dream of attacking him publicly because it’s always been understood that attacks by members of the faculty are not appropriately carried out in the pages of this venerable newspaper.
No, of Professor X himself we will not speak. We write only to suggest to those members of the faculty who do feel compelled to assure a student in the pages of this venerable newspaper that they would not dream of attacking him in the pages of this venerable paper that they might seek to resist accompanying said assurances with an attack on said student in the pages of this venerable paper.
Finally, lest it be thought that we are open to debate regarding the above suggestion, we must let it be known that the undersigned members of the faculty will not pursue the liberal ideals of constructive disagreement with, nor even attend lectures by, anyone who holds a divergent opinion.
Signed,
Professor Y (of philosophy)
Professor Z (of mathemetics)
